Ok, I'll be the first to admit it. I fell asleep during the opening ceremony of the Winter Olympic Games. I know it's wrong and I'm supposed to be using words like spectacular right now but there is something about these things that hits me like a truckload full of rohypnol. Not that Eddie McEverywhere's scintillating commentary wasn't enough to keep me enthralled although I am still trying to work out which part of the world Herzogovinia is located. Seeing those performers in slow motion looking up to the sky and waving their arms around like someone said "pretend you are a giant tree swaying in the breeze" loses any meaning for me and reminds me of liturgical dancing from school days where the teacher would say "pretend you are a giant tree" although I probably resembled more office block than tree. Large poles slowly erecting to represent (insert long explanation, please) something but I forget what, you can't help wondering if the snow will have melted by the time this ceremony is over. The parade of the countries athletes is exciting - for the athletes and it was so exciting for some guy in the USA team he was on his mobile phone. Can we do nothing without these goddamn things? I did feel for the Georgian team however as the grief on their faces said so much about that tragic accident. So hopefully things might speed up a little now that we have gotten rid of those pesky tree wavers and with a bit of luck Mr "Dude you not gonna guess where I am..." guy has time to put his phone down long enough to do whatever it is he has to do.