'Victoria On Swine Flu Alarm List' reads today's headlines. Avoid non-essential travel to Victoria it goes on to read. Perhaps we should all be shipped off to an island somewhere so as not to cause mass pandemic, a bit like they used to do with lepers etc. Welcome to the scabby state of Victoria. Well one who was brave enough to join the southern swine population was Gordon Ramsay to flog himself for the Good Food and Wine Show. With the show title bearing little resemblance to the mostly mass produced, flavour and colour enhanced 'easy' food options and magic kitchen gadgets guaranteed to lie idle in the third kitchen drawer, Gordon was a light at the end of the exhibition tunnel. His audience was a mix of reality tv watchers hoping to hear a few words of bother and damnation, there were a few rows of Shazzers who think he's a bit of alright and one or two who probably just like his food. As for a chef on a stage, he cooked beautiful food, a ratatouille with poached fish fillets in the soup which made you want to rush out to the nearest fish monger, go home and fire up the stove. And then as an entertainer...well let's say the cooking was great. His jokes were mostly dick based and lame to say the least but who gives a toss when you can cook as well as he does. At least when they load us all onto the old typhoid ship to be quarantined at least one amongst us will be able to cook. But if he starts with more of the nob jokes... just tell him to shut the fuck up.