No Safety Goggles Required

How handy are you? I asked myself this question last night watching one of those home improvement shows where you can put an extension on the house before the next ad break. This segment was about decorating a child's bedroom as a forest wonderland. Our presenter directs us to a table with plywood and then instructs us to "grab your jigsaw" and make tree cutouts. Is it me or did I get the wrong presents this year for Christmas? How fortunate for the child to now have a bedroom painted as a forest including cutout trees to hang things on. When I was a kid I was lucky to have a bed and any request for a forest wonderland interior makeover would have been met with parental disapproval and that the fairy light should be sufficient entertainment to get me through to puberty. I feel fortunate that my mother didn't possess power tools as her extreme phobia of spiders would have reduced the trees in the backyard to a pile of wood chips and probably a side of the house as well. I'm not handy and I'm not particularly good with spiders either. On discovering a mouse in my lounge room a few years ago I locked myself in my bedroom (not a forest wonderland) and felt compelled to call the police. What are they using my taxes for exactly anyhow. So unfortunately due to the fact that I don't keep men or pets in the house anymore leaves me with no alternative but to call for help when things squeak, go out, fall off and break down which is exactly what they should be showing on the home improvement shows. 'Next week on Better Holes and Breakdowns...How to change a light globe with no ladder, freshly painted fingernails and not the slightest bit of interest'.