It's Christmas time so it's time to make lists. Here is one to start with.
Ten reasons not to go to the office Christmas party:
1) You don't like the people you work with
2) They don't like you
3) You can't stand your boss's wife
4) Your colleagues are so dull you always end up out the back drinking with the catering staff
5) The accounts payable girl always gets smashed and thinks she can sing
6) The operations manager arrives three sheets to the wind and says something along the lines of "gee, I think your an interesting person" three centimetres from your face which is drunk speak for I am coming onto you because everyone else got away
7) The finger food couldn't be anymore unappetising if it were actual severed fingers they were serving
8) Serving chicken and champagne (as if) on the roof of the building only makes you consider hurling yourself off but no one would notice
9) If one more person asks you what you are doing for Christmas you will tell them that you are growing a beard and joining the Taliban
10) You joined them last year, have a full beard and no longer celebrate Christmas.
So there you go. If anyone asks. I will be home for Christmas and not at the party.