Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Windsor or Wanker?

I was disappointed the day I was born to find out I wasn't a member of the royal family. Any royal family for that matter, Danish, British, Upper Mongolian, didn't matter really. I'm all in favour of everything royal. Royal Doulton, Royal Selangor, Royal Childrens Hospital, Chocolate Royals (biscuits, where have you been??). Don't bore me with the tax payer expenses crap when superstar nobodies are paid to come out here and prop up local events even though they have no idea where they are and only came for the free booze and a suite to stash the blondes. Be thankful the Royal visit doesn't include a press conference with a slumped over RayBan wearing prince reaching for the water bottle and responding to the usual questions about first impressions of Australia as "yeah, it's great being here" and the next question about first impressions of Australian women (insert country) giving them a run for their money. No I'm happy that they don't sing, they don't shave their heads and tell everyone they're going to rehab, they don't have award ceremonies and they don't have comebacks. They just like dogs and horses and that's ok with me.


  1. Actually, much as I would love to see us become a republic I love young Wills and Harry and I think when I travel that the world would be a worse place if it wasn't for the magical royal houses, estates and collections even if they were procured in an age where populations were subjugated. It was a different age and I refuse to accept the guilt of my ancestors. But how I love the crown jewels.

  2. Sure, let's keep the royal castles, manors, huge tracts of land, jewels etc but have Chuck, Harry, Will et al work at each place as tour guides. Problem solved.