Gee, it looks like I've missed out on the Miss Universe title again. What's wrong with this Donald Trumpet guy? Seriously though, I don't understand this whole pageant thing. You rock up, glue on some strategically placed sparkly bits, tell everyone how you will eradicate world hunger, then line up and hope for a better piece of jewellery. I'm sure I'm not the first to think of it but why isn't there a Mr Universe? And I don't mean the Mr Universe that can lift your car out of the garage, I mean ordinary guys who want happy times, world peace and hopefully not better jewellery. Mr Australia, "I want everyone to have a bigger back shed, I hope for less punch-ons and more time watching telly except I don't want to talk about the cricket anymore". Congratulations you win, here's a new pair of socks or something. See Donny? Far more interesting. Now I've got to go and wash my hair. I think I've made the ozone hole that little bit bigger with all this hairspray.
And why do we say that Miss Australia missed out on a victory? She didn't Miss whoever WON it in her own right. Stupid pageant and stupid girls. Except Jennifer Hawkins who made a killing out of it!
ReplyDeleteAnd why not bridge the species divide? We could have Miss Pinniped, ("Representing Antarctica we have Miss Southern Elephant Seal, who, like the other contestants, has gone au naturale in the swimsuit section.") or Miss Cymothoa exigua ("As a youngster, this nasty little parasitic crustacean began her life of terror by eating her way through the gills of a Bluefin Tuna!" *Cue applause).
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