Elton John is wanting to adopt a 14 month old boy from the Ukraine. The report in today's Australian newspaper tells us after the recent death of his keyboard player Elton said "what better opportunity to replace someone I lost than to replace him with someone I can give a future to." Is that what it said on the warranty Elton? Of course it's that's simple! Just sign the forms and pick up your parcel and you're a father before you can say Dnyeprodzerzhinsk. If I was a boy I'm not really sure I would really want to be adopted by Elton. Madonna perhaps, but Elton? The songs around the piano would be ok but if he put you in one those outfits he likes you would never hear the end of it at school. And do we really think our Elton would be washing the poohie nappies and wiping the mashed banana off the walls anyway? Ah, no some poor (well probably well paid actually) nanny would have to do that well in time for the next Elton birthday bash where everyone has to dress up as tropical fruit...again. At 62 years of age it's time for a fluffy white dog or a painting class. Step away from the child Elton.